


I'm Not Worth It

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Homelessness, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 16:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2355371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whatever happened to Karofsky?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Worth It

"That will be $3.85, oh, out of twenty so that would be-"

At the bored look on the woman’s face he just offered an apologetic smile and handed her change, sure counting it out like he’d been trained to would just piss her off. Janice bumped hips with him to let him know she’d make the woman’s chai, just as he opened his mouth to greet the next person in line.

_The darkness must go down the river of night’s dreaming._

On cold days like this Pete’s was almost always packed and while his stomach dropped in painful recognition, he let the typical, automatic greeting fall out of his mouth. He couldn’t get another complaint against him. Even though the first complaint (his first week on register) was mostly just a pissy customer being pissy, his boss took it seriously and Dave desperately needed the hours.

"Vanilla latte, gluten free. Coming right up, Kurt!"

He saw blue eyes flash but he turned away, taking the spot beside Olivia as she finished up the two hot cocoas that the two giggling girls (regulars here) had ordered just before Chai-woman. He was relieved when Janice soon piped up from the register and he purposely kept his head down as he set the latte and several other orders down on the far counter. He couldn’t come up with an excuse as to how he would have known the other’s name since Pete’s was one of the few shops that didn’t scrawl a name on your order.

_Flow Morphia, slow._

"How can I help-" he asked, trailing off when the gruff man spoke over him and ordered for his wife and daughter. Heading to the pastry display, he filled two bags with trembling hands and nodded to Olivia as she went to make the green tea frap and pumpkin spice cappuccino. Handing over the desserts and $.23 cents, he couldn’t help but notice that Kurt had settled near the mug display with a scrutinizing gaze. Stuttering to the elderly woman as she opened her purse, she just asked for a black tea and stuffed a few bills in to the tip jar.

He did his best to ignore Kurt after that and when his speech didn’t improve, he backed away from the register with a desperate look. Olivia, with her dark makeup and perky greeting, obliged wordlessly. By 7:45, the rain had eased up and letting himself get caught up in the Rocky Horror soundtrack playing lowly (something their manager certainly wouldn’t have approved of) and Janice’s sexual nicknames for the drinks, Dave almost forgot Kurt sitting less than six feet away.

"Closing time in ten minutes, y’all! Feel free to help us finish off these baked goods, okay?"

The last minute rush ended far too soon and Dave released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding when the coffee shop was completely empty of patrons. He cleaned slowly, not exactly looking forward to another night in his car but at least the parking garage beat when he’d had to park in shopping outlets or on the street (he’s still pissed about the scratch on the driver’s door. The slamming of the register door caught his attention and he smiled at his share of tips.

"Ready to go, Doughboy?"

Dave flung his apron, it catching on the hook as he followed his coworkers out the back; he hit the lights and grabbed his backpack just before Janice armed the alarm. The door shut soundly and he waved as Olivia saluted from behind the wheel off her slug bug. Janice sat on the wet curb, phone to her ear; he nodded to her as he headed towards the front of the store to begin his trek to 12th and Mallard.

He froze when he saw a lean figure step out into the streetlight just ahead.

_Let the sun and light come streaming;_

"Excuse me, sir?" Dave swallowed hard. He really had no right to be nervous considering Kurt had never done anything but try to help him, despite all that he’d done. Still, his stomach twisted when Kurt raised an eyebrow at him looking him up and down. Dave convinced himself it wasn’t sexual as it was clear Kurt didn’t recognize him.

_Into my life, Into my life._

"Don’t mean to corner you, just you surprised me earlier. I didn’t remember giving you my name."

"I’m sorry, " Dave blurts out which earns him an even sharper look, " You didn’t. I just remember you-" he took in a steadying breath because he was barely getting the words out now; all he could think about was how he’d hoped to have his shit together by the time he saw Kurt again. All the good he’d been hoping to do, all the things he’d planned on saying six years from now…" It’s Dave, David Karofsky."

Kurt paled but surprisingly took a step forward, ” David, wow. What are you doing in New York? You’re so-” Thousands of insults flooded Dave’s brain and despite how irrational it was (he’d been the bully after all), he still braced himself for it. Instead, Kurt joked, ” I guess all my chubby insults won’t work anymore. How are things, school, life…are you out?”

"Yes." Dave cleared his throat after an awkward pause, " I’m out."

At Kurt’s overjoyed expression, Dave felt old anger well up inside him but he shoved it down fast. Of course that would be Kurt’s first question. He would have no idea what the word out conjured for him because in Kurt’s mind the next word would be proud. Forcing a smile as he inquired how Kurt was, he was relieved when he immediately became excited. He’d been out of the loop so long, just trying to survive; Kurt could be a fashion icon and he wouldn’t have a clue. It turned out not to be the case but close; attending NYADA, working for Vogue.com. Dave thought he would be jealous but it just made him feel worse for everything he’d done to Kurt; Kurt was so strong and clearly he was going to be someone amazing. He deserved that and much more, and Dave, well…

"But what about you? Kinda skipped over my question, " Kurt chuckled, hunching his shoulders as a gust of wind hit them. Dave grit his teeth; he’d worn layers but a coat would have been nice right about now.

" Not much. Just working, trying to figure out what I want to do, " Another pause ensued but Dave broke it, " But that’s great. I’m happy for you. I…I’m glad you made it big."

Kurt smiled sadly, looking like he wanted to say something else but Dave cut him off with a stumbling good bye. Smiling weakly, he attempted to cross the street, despite it being in the wrong direction of the garage. Kurt caught him by the shoulder, “Hey, hang on. It’s been what, three years? I’d like to catch up. You know Santana is here, right? Her and Rachel…I’d think they’d like to see you.” Kurt’s enthusiasm dimmed but Dave saw now that Kurt was different, more free than he’d ever been in Lima; he winced, ” I know we weren’t ever buddies but-“

"Wait-" Dave fumbled for his phone though he had no intention of staying in contact with Kurt. Not only would he be toxic for him but Dave would rather die then let anyone know he was a homeless, high school drop out. But he played it well, he realized at Kurt’s relieved smile as he punched his number into a text message to himself. His pocket chimed as he handed Dave back his Tracfone.

"Do you work tomorrow?"

Dave hates himself for telling the truth, ” Yeah, but not until four.”

"Great! Would you be interested in lunch at our place, say one PM? Rachel, Santana and I share a place in Bushwick so-" Kurt must see something on his face, " Is that not a good time? We can look at your schedule-"

"No, that’s fine, I…thought I had something to do but that’s fine. Thanks, I look forward to…seeing everyone."

Kurt looks suspicious but smiles nonetheless, ” Great. Well, I better head home. I said I’d be back a while ago. I’ll text you directions, alright?”

Dave nods and waits until Kurt’s out of earshot before leaning his head against the streetlight; he didn’t want to go, didn’t want to face them but Kurt seemed like he really meant it. He hadn’t just said that; he really wanted to catch up, only Dave had a feeling that once he got a peek at Dave’s life he’d regret it. Everyone regretted getting involved with him, he thought and started heading home to his car.

He gets Kurt’s text and with a heavy heart deletes the message.


End file.
